The Art of Self-Soothing: How To Make Resilience More Sustainable

Ask any successful person on Earth what their secret is, and almost all will agree on one thing: resilience. No journey is ever straightforward; after all, they say that the most incredible things never come quickly. It makes resilience in the face of tribulation an essential skill to master in all aspects of one’s life. 

What is Self-Soothing?

Most dictionary definitions limit self-soothing to the process undergone by infants and children; that’s a skill only truly master as adults. It is merely the act of calming yourself down when in distress until their emotions are regulated. 

This behavior, like many of the human survival skills, is learned early on in life. Think of kids who calm themselves when they wake up in their crib and perform whatever that “act” is. 

Often, this will be repeated until they fall back asleep again – reestablishing a state of regulation. Unfortunately, applying this behavior as an adult takes more intentionality to be both effective and sustainable.

Learning to Achieve Sustainable Resilience

It is thus evident why learning how to soothe oneself can be something of a superpower. Mastering this skill means that that person can be more resourceful with their time than spending time stressing. A combination of responsibility, failures along the way, and whatever stressful moments that come up are enough to make someone spiral. 

Exercising resilience in these moments is knowing that you don’t keep your head buried in the ground when you fall. Instead, one ought to pick themselves up and realize that life must go on, even when things don’t go your way. After all, it must go through incredible amounts of pressure and a blazing furnace for gold to be precious.

The vital part is taking it beyond “powering through” the hard times but taking time to assess your ups and downs. 

Understanding and Overcoming the Challenging Symptoms

After moving past the initial panic and stress over fixing the “problem,” most people often jump on worrying about the next issue. Understanding how to overcome this starts with first appreciating the man’s anatomy, particularly the prefrontal cortex. 

This part of the brain simulates experiences, conjuring up completely made-up scenarios that feel real as if you’d experienced it. Also, normal brains can make up an intricate blend of chemicals that we interpret as “happiness,” even after experiencing severe trauma.

Living as a pessimist means one is continuously blocking off any chances to react to and experience positivity. When one is continually occupied with rehearsing negativity, their brain cannot process anything different.

According to a neuro expert, the level of “happiness” from people who won the lotto and those who lost limbs can be studied. A year after the respective events, these levels are virtually equal. 

Tips From Experts

Since this has to be a repeated action, mastering it means developing a muscle to keep afloat. Though not a perfect formula, there are a few tips neurological experts recommend:

  • Meditate

Meditate as a means of “mastering” your mind by attaining a state of homeostasis. That is why when meditating; people are encouraged to “clear” their minds so that their thoughts aren’t rampant. 

  • Think Positive

Make a conscious effort to find the upside in things. Be intentional about not succumbing to any victim mentality. Think more of the glass as half-full than half-empty.

  • Know What Makes You Happy

Take time to understand what makes you happy, laugh, excites you, and brings you pure bliss. With this arsenal, you’ll be able to prevent the negativity. It also avoids the negativity of snowball gathering moss and growing more prominent than it needs to be.

  • Learn How to Deal With Triggers

Watch out for your triggers, and you’ll be better able to eliminate them where you can. Where they’re inevitable, you can prepare for them as you feel them approaching. Expect these to change as time, and once you think nonchalant about something, let it go and find the next thing.

  • Self-Soothing vs. Gaslighting

Understand that self-soothing is different from gaslighting yourself. The key is to lift yourself above the unfortunate situation, not suppress the feelings as with the latter option.


Don’t hesitate to talk to someone, especially if you’re in the beginning stages of the self-soothing process. Sometimes all you need is a new and fresh perspective.

Ad if it gets more serious, seeking professional help will help you care better for yourself. Understand that this is a process. So when you fail, be gentle with yourself and jump back on the wheel of learning. 


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