How To Stop Running From, Neglecting, And Betraying Yourself
As said by the Greek philosopher Heraclitus, everything changes. Everything around us changes, and even we change. However, some of us refuse to change, which leads them to neglect and betraying themselves. Here are some tips on how to stop running from yourself and from neglecting and betraying yourself:
1. Self-Abandonment to Self-Ownership
According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI), self-abandonment is a bizarre concept. They define it as a time “when you reject, suppress, or ignore part of yourself in real-time.” It typically boils down to the lack of trust in oneself, which starts from childhood.
Here are two questions to assess if you’re running on self-abandonment:
- Why am I making this decision? – If your answer sounds like you’re guilty, ashamed, or involve negative emotions, it’s a sign of self-abandonment.
- Will I still do _____ if I’m the last person in the world? – This question takes out other people’s influence from your decision-making.
It would be best if you changed self-abandonment to self-ownership. You need to realize that you need to change for you to move forward. You need to face facts and seek help for those things that are out of your hand.
2. Self-Neglect to Self-Worth
When we abandon ourselves, most of the time, it can also mean that we’ll neglect ourselves. Self-neglect is when a person “lives in a way that puts their health, safety, or well-being at risk.” It can manifest through many things such as:
- Lack of hygiene
- Weight loss
- Unclean room or home
- Lack of sleep
The first step in shifting to self-worth and self-care is to assess the damage dealt by neglecting yourself. Afterward, you need to set boundaries and pay attention to your body. It also helps if you produce healthy habits to release stress. Here are some ways to stop neglecting yourself:
- Make time – try to squeeze ten minutes or more every day to do self-care. It’s either doing some exercise, watching your favorite show, or going outside and breathing in the fresh air.
- Intentional relaxation – you can incorporate meditation, muscle relaxation, and deep breathing into your daily routine. You can also try non-rigorous activities such as knitting or playing music.
- Be organized – will the additional activities in your daily routine, you need to stay on track. You can write down your activities and plan everything out on a calendar.
3. Autopilot to Awareness
When we’re neglecting ourselves, we sometimes turn on autopilot. By turning on autopilot, you block out everything around, especially those that you want to forget. However, from not facing the problem, you’re creating a giant hole than you’re sinking in.
It would help if you became mindful and aware of the situation and your surroundings not to become overwhelmed. Here are some tips on becoming aware and facing your problems:
- Acknowledge the problem – Ask yourself the reason behind your action.
- Analyze – A helpful way to do this tip is to write down what you’re feeling and its probable cause.
- Determine what to do next – For each of the problems you listed, put down some ways you mitigate them.
- Do it – After you have written down the possible solutions, all you need to do is execute them.
Although it may be challenging, accepting yourself is the focal point of relinquishing self-betrayal. Self-betrayal is a bit like suicide. You’re killing your true self to appease others and fit into the person they want you to become. However, when you become honest with yourself, you’ll accept your strengths and your flaws.
A lot of people practice self-rejection because of all the negative connotations they have on themselves. There are different manifestations of self-rejections, some of which are:
- Not chasing your dream
- Relying on familiarity, especially on work and relationships
- Rejecting life opportunities
- Perfectionism or other mental habits that are self-punitive
To overcome self-rejection, you need to love yourself. However, self-love is not a state of feeling good, rather an appreciation of oneself. Moreover, self-love also entails advocating for yourself and setting up boundaries.
The bond with one’s self is the most crucial relationship in your whole life. You need to take care of yourself, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. You can do this by accepting and loving yourself. It is very challenging, but everything will fall into place once you start.
Jegede, S. B. (2014). Heraclitean Flux as a Philosophy of Social Change. International Journal of Humanities and Social Science Invention, 3(6), 41-46. http://www.ijhssi.org/papers/v3(6)/Version-4/H0364041046.pdf
Johnson, B. (2018, April 30). Are You a Chronic Self-Abandoner? https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/April-2018/Are-You-a-Chronic-Self-Abandoner
Key, K. (2015, May 12). Break the Self-Betrayal Habit. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/counseling-keys/201505/break-the-self-betrayal-habit
Kieding, J. (2018, August 24). From Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming Self-Rejection. Good Therapy. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/from-surviving-to-thriving-overcoming-self-rejection-0824184
Self Neglect. (n.d.). Washington State Department of Social and Health Services. https://www.dshs.wa.gov/altsa/home-and-community-services/self-neglect
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