How to Deal with BPD and Shame

People seldom discuss any topics that deal with mental illnesses and personality disorders. They are considered sensitive topics as they might trigger people’s deep memories and experiences they want to forget. There are different personality disorders, and two of those are coined as Borderline Personality Disorder and Shame. 

What You Need to Know About BPD and Shame

Human personality is very complex, but it is defined as how a person thinks, feels, and behaves – this is what makes a person unique from one another. A person’s experiences, the environment in which they are surrounded, and genetics contribute a big influence to make up one’s personality. It is known to be consistent and stays the same throughout. 

What makes a personality disorder? Having an unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning, and behaving can be influenced by society’s pressure and expectations to cause you distress.  

A person with BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder can experience severe and chronic shame. They are known to be very self-conscious, which can be associated with them thinking that they are worthless and self-loathing. 

Shame, on the other hand, is a feeling of disgrace and unworthiness as a person. Shame is the central feature in BPD as they are connected since people with BPD feel a chronic shame, regardless of their behavior or what they do.

But, thinking about all these, how do people diagnosed with BPD and Shame deal with it? A person with these disorders needs to build their coping skills to manage their emotions better if in case they were triggered. 

How to Deal with BPD and Shame

Below are some of the techniques to help you deal with BPD and Shame.

Engaging in Activities 

Participating in different activities like taking a hike, cleaning your house, bonding with your friends, painting, and other hobbies may distract you from the emotions you’re experiencing now.

Playing Music

Sometimes, listening to music may trigger your emotions negatively. That is why you have to play songs that can create a feeling or emotion that is the opposite of what you are struggling with.  For instance, play fun and upbeat music if you feel blue.

Dial Down

Most people experiencing unexpected extremities of emotions often resort to doing harmful and harsh activities to punish themselves. Letting the emotions subside is necessary. Close your eyes for 10 minutes and take a breath to meditate.

Support a Friend

Asking for emotional support from the people you trust is a healthy move. It can help you, especially if you are struggling with uncontrollable strong emotions. Knowing to have a helping ear to listen to you is heart-warming. If you have no one else to talk to in any case, you can reach out for support by calling a psychotherapist.

Be Nice to Others

Always be nice to other people as you don’t know what situation they are dealing with. Treating people nicely, may it be in a big or little way, greatly impacts someone. Making gestures like this can help you decrease your negative feelings and feel like you belong in someone else’s world.

Stay Grounded

When your emotions start, you zone out the moment, do something to feel yourself again. Try pinching yourself or lightly slap yourself just to erase all your negative thoughts yourself.


If you consider yourself a religious person, try attending religious gatherings and prayer meetings consistently, since doing these kinds of activities may bring you inner peace, contentment, and mindfulness. 

Seek Professional Treatment 

The above coping techniques can help you drastically, but seeking professional medical attention is a healthier option. There are many psychological treatments for BPD and Shame, which focus on teaching healthier coping skills to handle extreme levels of emotions. Therapists can help you overcome challenges and other emotional problems.


Wanting to learn how to deal and cope with BPD and shame is a step toward self-love. It is important to share the thoughts of someone struggling with these kinds of personality disorders to avoid thinking self-harm or any suicidal thoughts. Try to talk with therapists and other qualified mental health professionals to overcome this.


American Psychiatric Association. (2018, November). What are Personality Disorders. What are Personality Disorders. Retrieved March 12, 2021, from

Pedneault, K. S. (2020, February 28). Healthy Coping Skills for People With Borderline Personality Disorder. Verywell Mind. Retrieved March 12, 2021, from

Pedneault, K. S. (2020, November 13). How to Deal With BPD and Shame. Verywell Mind. Retrieved March 12, 2021, from

Disclaimer: The information in this site is not intended or recommended for patients or other lay persons or as a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Patients must always consult a qualified health care professional regarding their diagnosis and treatment. Mental health conditions are complex, people differ widely in their conditions and responses, and interactions with other conditions and treatments are best evaluated by a physical examination and consultation with a qualified clinician.

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